I cannot reach you. You are on the other side of a glass wall. I shout at the top of my lungs but you don’t hear me. You don’t want to.
I know this game. We've been here before. You lock your heart away in a castle made of steel... You erect a drawbridge, a moat, and an army of silence around it to make sure no one comes near.
Do you see me? The real me? Or am I just a patchwork of your projections… My beauty grace and goofinenss forgotten, layers of perfectionistic mother and nagging wife shrouding my radiance. A clever gimmick to forget how passionately you love my soul.
Life would be simple if I could forget in this way. Gone would be the memories of looking into your eyes and knowing what it is that we are truly doing here… Remembering what it means to be completely and truly alive.
Gone would be the images of your body on top of mine, your skin on my skin, our hearts blown wide open, bodies writhing in ecstasy as our souls merge into one.
Wasn't it just a few days ago? Me batting my eyelashes, your hands on my cheeks. The way you would look down at me and I would know what it was that you wanted. Feeling the place between my legs beginning to swell and throb as my body prepared itself for you.
But the truth feels far away now. Crazy as it sounds I prefer hurting each other to this - to forgetting our connection and who we are entirely. I think it’s because the first one is alive, the second one is dead.
And what about the gift?
The gift is present too… For that I can’t help but smile. It wasn't even hard to find it this time. I am happy and content, needing nothing… expecting nothing. Two days ago we were partners, committed to our love. Yesterday we were friends with benefits, today we are a question mark. And all is well in my soul. I am still me, still vibrant and in love.
Still your angel in the black dress...
All I ever wanted was your happiness my love.