I've Waited a Long Time For You
Tales From The Feminine Heart
I spent my whole life searching for love outside of myself; it wasn't until I found it within me that he appeared.
"Love in The City: Tales from the Feminine Heart"
is a column devoted to vulnerably conveying the words of my heart through the unfolding of the greatest love I've ever known.
By: Jessica Winterstern
I waited a long time for you.
I broke a bunch - splattered crimson red time and time again - wondered how I'd ever piece myself back together.
As if my pericardium was impaired, and I was no longer protected, I felt myself rupture too many times.
I bled out insecurities for many years - deep lesions that overflowed and always dictated my next move. "I'll give myself to him knowing he'll repair my tears" but that never worked - and the cracks within me deepened.
I depended on so many that couldn't hold me the way I needed to be held. Because, I needed to hold myself. And when I finally learned how to, you appeared.
I remember that day well - I remember your stirring scent, the sound of your gripping voice, the way your arousing words penetrated my tissue. I remember your solid gaze, the way you looked into me, the way you filled me with your entrancing stillness. You never looked away, did you? No. You just breathed me in as I sped up, my cadence almost erratic during that memorable exchange. And, god, did you ever love me from the moment you saw me.... Saw all of my - every layer, every chamber, every valve. I couldn't hide from you. And I didn't want to.
As I give myself to you now, as I relinquish all control, as I surrender to this free-fall, as I open, open, open, you always meet me.
Your container grows with my every beat... as I expand, so do you... As I love deeper, you are able to receive me in my totality. No more games, no more censoring, no more limiting the fullness of my expression. You welcome my every texture, groove, flavor and shade, inhaling all that is me, revering the entire spectrum of my being. Why? Because I finally receive myself; I worship the organ that is me, that pumps love through my every artery. I beat for ME so that I can show up for you, so that we can show up for the world....Because, let's face it - this love isn't even for us - it's beyond us.
I love you more today than I did yesterday and I'll love you more tomorrow than I do today.
The Feminine Heart
Jessica Winterstern B.Sc., M.Ed., M.A., is an intimacy and relationship coach who helps women and men discover the love they've been yearning for all their lives. Learn more about Jessica at www.jessicawinterstern.com and follow her at @jessicawinterstern and @thefeminineheart