He's With Me, Even When He's Not

I can't sleep.

There's an ache spreading and it swelters my beat…

What is this unknown sensation? 

...These erratic pangs inside of my cavity.

It feels different than a hurtful pain.

This burns with fiery passion and a fervor that chars my veins…

It’s speaking to me, trying to tell me something…

I can hear his voice echoing within me.

Yes, this feeling is born from the depths of my untamed love for him --

The oceanic swirling that flows from our mirroring of one another.

Because we beat in sync and fit together like two puzzle pieces.

As if he's the right ventricle and I am the left.

We breathe together.

Grow, expand and weave together.

The yang to my yin.

But I don't need him. 

I never did.

I just choose him again and again.

And now I feel phantom limb - 

Or rather phantom heart;

Like he's here but he's not...

Because we live miles apart.

That's the the source of the burn -


He’s here but he’s not.

The ‘not’ causes me to want to bleed out.

But I choose not to contract...

I breathe and open while the tears fall fast.

Yearning for him, wanting this moment to pass.

But I hear him now…

The burn deepens as he vibrates within my chamber.

His energetic presence filling my every valve…

I can taste him as he fucks me open again and again.

My atria ignited, nearly combusting, scorching hot…

Oh yes, he’s with me - 

Even when he’s not.


The Feminine Heart




I spent my whole life searching for love outside of myself; it wasn't until I found it within me that he appeared.

"Love in The City: Tales from the Feminine Heart"

is a column devoted to vulnerably conveying the words of my heart through the unfolding of the greatest love I've ever known.



Jessica Winterstern B.Sc., M.Ed., M.A., is an intimacy and relationship coach who helps women and men discover the love they've been yearning for all their lives. Learn more about Jessica at www.jessicawinterstern.com and follow her at @jessicawinterstern and @thefeminineheart