Are You Worthy Of My Trust
I used to hold the belief
That the art of surrender
Meant squelching my needs
So to trust your lead
And adhere to your directional way.
I didn’t realize that
It’s a moment-by-moment choice on my part
A feeling into my heart and
A serious contemplation…
Are you worthy of my trust?
I tended to gravitate to the blanket statements because they felt familiar —
“Relinquish all control.”
“Lean into his embrace.”
“Dance throughout his space.”
“Give him your surrender…”
…But only if he’s worthy!
The caveat that I deliberately ignored throughout my life.
I would just give myself (surrender, so to speak)
And be complacent in the process —
So to not ruffle the sheet.
Because the masculine likes it smooth.
There’s truth in the latter statement.
Yet, now I understand the gift of our polarity,
The power of our paradoxical union,
The importance of our respective expressions.
You welcome my kinks to your smooth sheet
And invite in my pandemonium amidst the stillness of your beat…
So why wouldn’t I trust you?
Because each moment is anew,
And my surrender is a direct reflection of your of state of being.
I cannot trust you when our hearts are disconnected…
And sometimes, that occurs.
So while my love for you is forever unconditional,
My surrender is not….
It is only when you fuck me open with your gaze, your breath, your solid presence,
That I choose to surrender to you.
The Feminine Heart
I spent my whole life searching for love outside of myself; it wasn't until I found it within me that he appeared.
"Love in The City: Tales from the Feminine Heart" is a column devoted to vulnerably conveying the words of my heart through the unfolding of the greatest love I've ever known.
Jessica Winterstern B.Sc., M.Ed., M.A., is an intimacy and relationship coach who helps women and men discover the love they've been yearning for all their lives. Learn more about Jessica at www.jessicawinterstern.com and follow her at@jessicawinterstern and @thefeminineheart